Growing Pains

Assalamualaikum,
It has been two years. Oh how time flies. Without blogging, it seems that my mind is in a constant disarray. Many thoughts flowing in and out all the time. Without proper organisation, I feel lost. Enough about what the lack of blogging has done to me.

Many things have changed.

Life in JC was not what I thought it was. For the most of my second year, I fell, hard. Emotionally and mentally unstable. The grass is indeed greener on the other side. I did not do too well. I consistently failed many tests. It became such a norm that getting a pass deserved a reward of some sort. Often I try to preserve my thoughts in words, so I could see the kind of person I was long ago.

This year, I turn 20.

The reason I haven't been blogging, is because I've been keeping a personal sketchbook where I express myself and thoughts. I write of significant events and other emotional happenings. Truthfully, I had a depression in my second year in JC. Everything seemed bleak and gloomy. I was highly pessimistic on my outlook of life. For some reason, I felt that JC was a lost cause.

But I went for the marathon anyways. I tried my best to consolidate my thoughts. The knowledge I've received over the past 2 years were not gone, simply hidden. Hidden from my conscious thoughts. A few months before my A levels, I did my best. The best a lazy, inconsistent, fidgety person could. I never liked studying, and probably never will. My thirst for knowledge was lacking. I just felt that the knowledge I was looking for, would not be available to me from JC.

I made new friends, as well as old friends, lost from my past. A person who always made me feel better, and have a positive outlook on my life.

The few weeks up to A levels was indeed a journey. I hope I gave my best. But all is not lost.

I have considered my choices post-JC. Right now I'm waiting for my National Service, by teaching part-time in Irsyad.

It seems though, that ever since A levels ended, things changed for the better. My parents seems to be less angry to me. I've always tried my best to be a filial son. To be an obedient son. I'm tired of being a disappointment. Always needing to compete with my siblings. Well, it's time they realise that I am a different person. It's time I grew up.

And as always,
Salam and Peace be upon you.